An Hour of Who a Day

January 28: "Cyberwoman" (TW)

It's really hard to see what the point of this episode is. I can see what director James Strong is going for -- he wants to make this a scary episode, with lots of handheld camera shots and dark shadows for Lisa the Cyberman to get lost in. He even partially succeeds. But what is Chris Chibnall trying to do with this script?

In some ways the script wants to be tense and claustrophobic and terrifying, and those are probably the moments where "Cyberwoman" comes the closest to succeeding. The moments that pit Jack against Ianto work surprisingly well, even if Ianto's repeated accusations that Jack is a monster and "worse than anything locked up down there" ring rather hollow (they want it to be like Margaret's accusations against the Doctor in "Boom Town", but works even less well here because Jack's trying to stop a rampaging alien monster from destroying them the way Torchwood One was destroyed, so it's really hard to keep sympathizing with Ianto by the end). The tension as they point guns at each other is very effective (even if it's hard not to see this as a success on Strong's part rather than Chibnall's).

Ianto looks at the partially-Cybernized Lisa. ("Cyberwoman") ©BBC

But there are some massively stupid things going on in "Cyberwoman". The first one is the appearance of Lisa herself. They bend over backwards to explain why her body is still there when we saw in "Rise of the Cybermen" / "The Age of Steel" that all the Cybermen were taking was the brain (because they needed to move fast or something), just so they can present us with this bizarre sexualized creation. It's not just the literal breastplate, or that fact that the Cybermen cut a groove on the butt plate to make it look like she has a butt. It's not even the way the bellybutton is highlighted and exposed. It's the fact that she's wearing Cyber-heels, for heaven's sake. It's like a technofetishist's wet dream. There's also no explanation as to why she wasn't sucked into the Void along with the rest of the Cybermen in "Doomsday", beyond a passing reference to using "Earth technology", which could mean anything. (The associated website tried to explain this -- and it's not a good sign when you have to explain plot holes on your official website -- by arguing that the Cybermen started using our resources to convert people, and that only things that had originated in Pete's World were pulled into the Void. Fair enough, but that doesn't explain why Lisa seems to be the only person made entirely with "our" Earth parts, or why there's only one Cyber-conversion unit made with our resources. -- or why they decided to start giving their fellow Cybermen defined breasts.)

There's also the stupidity of Ianto hiding this thing in Torchwood's basement -- it's understandable, entirely human stupidity, but it's still stupidity -- and the longer it goes on, as he refuses to see the evidence of his own eyes, the less we feel for him. Owen snogging Gwen while in the mortuary cooler is in keeping with what we know about Owen. What's not in keeping is Gwen deciding to kiss him back. Lots of people stop and stare at Lisa even after being told to run and do things as quick as they can while others buy them time that they're currently wasting by stopping and staring. And the fight between Lisa and the pterodactyl is also daft -- and it doesn't seem to have done a damn thing one way or the other. And why do all the doors to the top-secret base obligingly open for Annie the pizza delivery girl?

Here's the thing: you can forgive stupid things if there's a good reason behind it, or if it adds to the drama in some meaningful way (such as the fifth Doctor not drinking the queen bat's milk right when he gets it, because his impending death overriding just about everything else is part of the reason the end of The Caves of Androzani works so well). But there's no sign of that here. There's no point to any of this. At least Chibnall's last script ("Day One") had something to say about sexuality in Western culture (even if that something appeared to be little more than, "Hey, Western culture is sexualized!"). There's not even that here. This looks like it was designed to have a sexy Cyberwoman scare everyone and nothing else. There don't even seem to be any real consequences at the end of it, as we see Ianto back to work and cleaning things up. It's unbelievably shallow, worryingly misogynist, and ultimately pointless.

January 27: "Ghost Machine" (TW)

Well, it's certainly better than the last episode...

So I understand that they're still finding their feet with these characters and this set-up, but the episodes seem to be all over the map stylistically. "Everything Changes" was an attempt to create a secretive but fun organization, but show some of the consequences of that kind of life, while "Day One" just looked like a way to get some cheap thrills while pushing the boundaries of good taste. "Ghost Machine", on the other hand, feels like it's somewhere between these two approaches.

Owen watches (via the quantum transducer) Ed Morgan prepare to
kill Lizzie Lewis back in 1963. ("Ghost Machine") ©BBC

One of the good things it does is it pulls Owen's character back from the being the right bastard he was in the first two episodes. He's still kind of a prick here, going to a murderer's house and confronting him about it to "put the fear of God into him", but at least we can understand his reasoning behind it -- and making him so affected by the events of the past that he witnesses, it's not too hard to sympathize. He's still something of an asshole, but at least he's not completely irredeemable.

It's still a story that requires its main characters to behave like idiots at times, though. The scene with Gwen using the quantum transducer in her flat is bad enough (given what's happened with the device so far, why would she a) take it with her at all, and b) expect to experience anything but unhappy memories inside her flat?), but at least it doesn't adversely affect things. Much worse is the resolution of the main storyline, which needs to have both Gwen use the completed device -- even though the only other person she knows who's done this saw his own death -- and to hold the knife pointing out once she takes it away from Owen. That might be more forgivable if she wasn't a trained police officer; you'd think they'd cover what to do with weapons when you've taken them from people (such as "don't brandish them at people"), even if they don't train you how to use them. But then the same thing happens earlier when she points a loaded gun at Jack's face (to his alarm), so maybe they don't train them for these sorts of situations. It still seems contrived, though. (And making Morgan walk straight into a knife pointed at him doesn't help; Tosh later says that he wanted to die, but that sure doesn't look like what's happening.)

However, while "Ghost Machine" has its flaws, it's not nearly as unpleasant as "Day One" was. Of course, it's no standout either; despite some good performances (particularly from Blake's 7's Gareth Thomas as the old Ed Morgan -- but if we're discussing characters, why is Captain Jack so angry for large parts of this?), this is an entirely forgettable and average episode.

January 26: "Day One" (TW)

Generally speaking, the first episode of a new show is there to set up the premise of the show and introduce the main characters. The second episode is the first chance for a show to set out its stall and say, "This is what this show is going to be like."

So what kind of show does "Day One" suggest Torchwood is going to be like? The answer, worryingly, seems to be, "Not a very good one."

Russell T Davies stated on Torchwood Declassified (the sister show to Torchwood in the same way that Doctor Who Confidential was to Doctor Who) that "when we're launching a new adult science fiction drama, it's kind of inevitable you're going to do the sex monster." Setting aside the fact that that doesn't really seem to be true (to pick a couple shows at random, there's not really a sex monster in Star Trek (unless you want to count the Salt Vampire in "The Man Trap", but that's more about seduction) or at all in Babylon 5 -- but on the other hand, it comes up pretty early in The X-Files, which is what Torchwood looks like it wants to be like), it suggests that the definition of "adult" that Torchwood wants to be is closer to the pornographic side. It's not an encouraging decision.

The (sigh) sex monster enters Carys Fletcher. ("Day One") ©BBC

But alas, you can't just wish this episode away. "Day One" (and it's rather painful to write this bit) features the team dealing with a gaseous sex monster (entertainingly, the TARDIS wiki calls it "Sex Gas") that feeds off orgasmic energy -- specifically male orgasmic energy, as Gwen apparently is no use to it. To this end we get a number of scenes of the possessed Carys absorbing men as they climax (plus one of a bouncer masturbating to a CCTV feed inside the women's lavatory), as well as a make-out scene between Gwen and Carys -- apparently because of the intense pheromones that the sex monster emits. This also leads to the first indication that the members of Torchwood Three are all idiots. So first they capture Carys, who's possessed by a gaseous alien -- and Torchwood know that, because they're the ones who accidentally released the alien in the first place, when Gwen tossed a "chisel" (that looked more like a spike) to Owen and missed -- and lock her in a cell in their base (which is disgustingly filthy, by the way -- doesn't Ianto ever go in there with a hose and some bleach?) with great big holes in the wall, perfect for gas to seep through. (Not that the creature ever tries to escape that way.) But anyway, Gwen goes in to talk to her and ends up making out with her -- something Owen notices on the CCTV and calls Jack and Tosh over to see. Do they immediately realize that Gwen's in danger from a monster that kills people while having sex with them? No, they all just stare appreciatively at the camera output for a while (even Tosh) before Jack decides to go stop it. And then later the sex monster gets out because Owen went to talk to her alone and was seduced by it, leaving him naked and in handcuffs. It's sort of hard to feel remotely bad about Owen, though, given that he spends the entire episode as an asshole and a scumbag and less likeable than anything we've seen in this show yet. It's not remotely clear what they're trying to achieve with this character, but they're doing a superb job of pushing the audience away.

Good bits? The way in which the main cast treats these events is surprisingly straight -- despite the premise, they manage to treat this as a serious threat, and Gwen excels by being concerned about the girl the gas has taken over. The scene where they're eating Chinese food and discussing Jack's mysterious past is rather nice. Meanwhile, Kai Owen as Gwen's boyfriend Rhys is just about the best thing in this, but John Barrowman still does a good job as Jack -- and his extreme paranoia over a severed hand in a jar is interesting. There are also some nice directorial choices -- such as the scene illustrating all the sexually-charged advertising that Carys walks past, which works significantly better than it has any right to -- which make it at least interesting from a purely visual standpoint.

But ultimately "Day One" feels like a tawdry and tasteless attempt to show that Torchwood is different from its parent show: "Look how adult we are!" it seems to be yelling. There are some good performances, but there's nothing really meaningful being expressed here -- no commentary on the nature of sexuality or anything like that; that advertising montage is the closest we get. It really does look like they just said, "Hey, let's do an episode about a sex monster! We'll work out why later," and they never really did. Throw in some truly unlikeable moments (seriously, why does anyone in there tolerate Owen Harper?) and the result is an unpleasant mess.

January 25: "Everything Changes" (TW)

So. Series 2 of Doctor Who concluded on 8 July 2006. But between then and its return at Christmas, a brand-new spinoff came out (on 22 October, to be precise) -- not a one-off, like K-9 and Company had (fortunately) been, but a full-fledged series: Torchwood.¹⁷⁷ And unlike its parent show, Torchwood was designed to be a post-watershed show (so late night after the kids have gone to bed), with a lot more swearing, sex, and explicit violence than you might find in Doctor Who. So, not exactly the sort of thing the general audience would go for.

Based on this first episode though, by Russell T Davies, they might actually pull it off. Far and away the best thing about Torchwood is the return of John Barrowman as Captain Jack. He's not quite as great as he was in series 1 of Doctor Who, as he has to be more of the straight lead here rather than the rogue he was with Eccleston, but he still does a good job. But "Everything Changes" focuses primarily on PC Gwen Cooper, who's investigating a murder when this outfit called Torchwood comes along and takes charge. Gwen spends the rest of the episode trying to find out more about Torchwood and what they do. It's all very "pilot"-y.

We do learn some things, though; this is explicitly set after "Doomsday", and while the Torchwood in London (Torchwood One) was completely wiped out, the Torchwood in Cardiff (Torchwood Three) is still around -- even if there doesn't seem to be a central authority for Captain Jack and his team to answer to anymore. We also learn that this is after "The Parting of the Ways" for Jack: "Something happened to me a while back," he tells Gwen. "Long story and far away. But I was killed, and then I was brought back to life. And ever since then, I can't die."

But as far as first episodes go, this one isn't too bad. It doesn't assume that the audience has seen Doctor Who, which means that it does take some time to set up Torchwood for that new audience, with the "we take care of alien stuff". It's sort of like a reverse X-Files, dedicated to covering up alien involvement instead of exposing it.

Suzie confesses to Gwen while Jack stands on the perception-
filtered lift. ("Everything Changes") ©BBC

They make some good moves (such as the gag about letting Gwen inside the base and then being unable to stay in character, or how the actress playing Suzie is treated like one of the main cast -- with a credit and everything -- only to be killed at the end), but there are some problems as well. The aforementioned Suzie is shown to be a killer (even if this is shown as a hazard of the job), and while she gets her comeuppance at the end, Owen Harper (Torchwood's doctor) is shown to be a date rapist, essentially, with no consequences -- indeed, it's hard to shake the feeling that we're supposed to find this funny. Still, at least Gwen, Toshiko, and Ianto come out more or less okay.

It's not the best episode ever, but "Everything Changes" does a decent job of setting the series up. It's nothing incredible, but it does the job it was meant to do -- even if you're still not quite sure at the end what sort of show Torchwood will be.

¹⁷⁷ As you may already know, Torchwood is an anagram of Doctor Who. The name was originally used as Doctor Who's codename during series 1 (à la Return of the Jedi and "Blue Harvest"), but Davies liked it so much he used it for the top-secret organization we see here.

January 24: "Doomsday"

The last TARDISode shows a (frankly strange-looking) broadcast warning people about the Cyberman invasion. It's also notable for using the name of the episode in the dialogue -- something that doesn't happen in the main event itself.

"Army of Ghosts" was going really well. So what happened with "Doomsday"?

Actually, to be fair, this is another one of those episodes where the director almost pulls it off. Graeme Harper fills the screen with lots of dynamic, energetic shots that really keep things moving, and the temptation is definitely there to just sit back and let it all wash past you. But there are major major problems with "Doomsday" that really stop you from doing this.

The Daleks realize the Doctor is standing behind the Cyberleader.
("Doomsday") ©BBC

The problems start early, with the Daleks and the Cybermen squaring off for a (rather out-of-character) bitch fest, as each snipes at the other. It really wants to be a huge, epic moment, but it ends up dragging on for far too long as they grate at each other ("It's like Stephen Hawking meets the Speaking Clock," Mickey remarks, rather insensitively) -- and what's worse, we're meant to be paying attention to the Doctor during this scene, so any childhood fantasies this scene evokes end up secondary to that. Then they end up shooting at each other, while the Doctor gets on with the actual plot.

And the trouble is that it's not a terribly exciting plot, is it? For all they try to dress it up and distract you with all the action sequences, for all they talk about two unstoppable foes wreaking havoc on the planet... the solution ultimately comes down to pulling a big lever and reversing everything. It's a nice-looking lever, very solid design and all that, but it's still just a large reset switch. Nothing exceedingly clever or imaginative, just pull a switch and fix everything. (It probably also doesn't help that the bit right at the climax, where it looks like Rose is going to be sucked into the Void until Pete pops back and saves her, is mind-bogglingly nonsensical: how did Pete know to come back, and at exactly the right place to catch Rose? Why wasn't he sucked into the Void as soon as he showed up? And how did he transport Rose when we were told earlier that the yellow button devices could only take one person? (All right, maybe he slipped an extra one on her, but it's not remotely obvious.))

As I said, Graeme Harper almost gets away with it, and there's perhaps no better example than the moment immediately after the breach closes, with the Doctor and Rose leaning against the same wall but separated by a universe -- which works far far better than it has any right to be. (It also helps that composer Murray Gold goes not for a string-filled sappy piece to accompany this, but rather a wordless soprano solo with a constant pulsing bass guitar underneath that gives the scene a real sense of drive. Gold's instincts are occasionally a little too pedestrian -- for instance, he loves to underline "funny" scenes with "funny" music -- but he's 100% spot-on here.) Whether you find that final moment between the Doctor and Rose on the beach intensely tragic or incredibly frustrating is probably a matter of opinion. I'm rather on the "frustrating" side -- just let him say "I love you"! You've been building two whole series to this moment, just pull the trigger! Or are they worried that that would really make series 3 feel like a letdown, if the Doctor is undeniably, irretrievably heartbroken over Rose? At least this way they have a bit of wiggle room.

However, it's hard to not to realize, while watching this sequence, just why Rose had to leave. It's not so much because of the smug, bitchy characterization they've been giving her this season (for who knows what reason), but because they've turned Rose into the Doctor -- even Jackie comments on it in "Army of Ghosts". But we already have the Doctor; we don't need another character doing the same things. The fact is that Rose has long ceased to be the main audience identification figure, and without that her purpose is gone for everyone except the shippers¹⁷⁶ -- not that we should discount their opinion, but they don't make up the majority of the audience. And so it's time for her to leave.

There are other minor nitpicks throughout "Doomsday" that don't help either: the scene between our Jackie and alternate Pete stops the story's momentum dead as they express plot points at each other -- even if Mickey's reaction to Jackie's line about how "there was never anyone else" is priceless. (Mind you, even Davies himself has commented that this scene is too much.) And while it's tragic that Yvonne Hartman is turned into a Cyberman, the idea that she can somehow resist the conditioning is not only silly but rather violates one of the main horrors of being turned into a Cyberman, that you can't resist being like them. And the tear is risible. And it's things like this that point to the main problem with "Doomsday": despite Graeme Harper's best efforts, it's hard to shake the feeling that Davies included things just because he thought it would be a good or fun idea, with little thought as to how these ideas would connect up with all the other things. In this respect, somewhat ironically, we're not a million miles away from your standard Eric Saward script -- the sort of thing this incarnation of the show had previously been working to avoid. The only difference is that the callbacks here are from the last two series, rather than the entire history of the show. Whether that's a better move is a question for debate.

But then there's a sense in which series 2 has been slapped together in a hurry. I think it was Noel Gallagher of Oasis who said that you get five years to write your first album, and then six months to write your second. In many ways that's what series 2 feels like: as if Davies had planned out series 1 long long ago, and then suddenly realized he had to come up with another series when the first one was such a huge success. (It probably didn't help that the plans for series 2 changed as things went along: "The Runaway Bride" was pulled to become the second Christmas special, while Stephen Fry's 1920's story -- about which almost nothing is known -- fell through and had to be replaced in a hurry with "Fear Her".) There's a lack of cohesion throughout the main thirteen episodes of series 2, as if Davies is juggling so many things that he's had to take his eye off the ball when it comes to the details. It's not an appalling mess or anything, but series 2 too often has moments where you have to make allowances, where they only just get away with it. It's a perfect illustration of the sophomore slump.

But in some ways it doesn't matter: Doctor Who is back and huge. The show is everywhere in Britain, at the peak of its popularity (much in the same way 2011 would be for the show in the United States). It doesn't matter what the quality of the actual episodes is -- the overwhelming goodwill and popularity that the show experienced in Britain in 2006 more than overrides any individual story concerns. For many people David Tennant and Billie Piper are still the quintessential TARDIS team, regardless of what the actual evidence suggests, and nothing will change that. If you thought the show was big by the end of 2005, that's nothing compared to what 2006 brought: a tremendous wave of popularity that Doctor Who will ride for the next few years.

¹⁷⁶ shipper, n. Someone whose primary interest in a work of fiction is the (usually romantic) relationship -- hence the term -- between two (or more) characters, whether that's realized within the piece itself or outside it (as in fan fiction, artwork, etc.).

January 23: "Army of Ghosts"

This week's TARDISode: a reporter learns about Torchwood, but just as he's about to print the story, Torchwood comes along and takes him away...

Odd opening notwithstanding (the whole "this is the story of how I died" thing, which is a nice hook à la The Lovely Bones but turns out to be something of a cheat -- but we're getting ahead of ourselves), "Army of Ghosts" is a solid, entertaining episode. It's the start of series 2's season finale, which means we finally see the Doctor meet up with Torchwood, after dropping hints since "Bad Wolf". This might be slightly more interesting if they hadn't announced the upcoming Doctor Who spin-off Torchwood between series 1 and 2 of Doctor Who, but since they did, it's hard not to be a bit cynical about the whole thing. (Of course, Torchwood would end up being rather different from what we see under Yvonne Hartman's leadership, but we didn't know that at the time, and that cynical feeling remains.)

But it's interesting to see what "Army of Ghosts" does right. Somewhat remarkably, we don't waste much time introducing the Doctor and Rose into the main events: once the Doctor's established that the "ghosts" that everyone sees everywhere aren't ghosts at all, but something pushing its way into our world, it's off to Torchwood itself so that the plot can keep moving forward. And, in a good move, we get a look at a Cyberman quite early on (as it menaces soon-to-be companion actress Freema Agyeman, albeit in a different role here) -- no sudden revelations that it's the Cybermen pushing through. This does mean that the audience is slightly ahead of the Doctor, but the misdirection regarding the Void Ship ensures that we don't spend a large portion of time just waiting for the Doctor to catch up. And since Graeme Harper is at the helm again, it's all shot very effectively, so even when it's a lot of exposition (as when Yvonne is explaining things), it never feels like it.

There are some really nice moments here, too: the Doctor's interactions with Jackie are a lot of fun, and his explanation of what happened when the Void Ship entered this dimension, complete with spidering glass, is nifty. (We also get some wonderful dialogue, as the Doctor sees that the TARDIS is surrounded by troops with guns: "Doctor, they've got guns," Rose warns him. "And I haven't," the Doctor replies. "Which makes me the better person, don't you think? They can shoot me dead, but the moral high ground is mine.") It's also interesting how the Doctor is ostensibly Torchwood's prisoner, but Yvonne would rather use his knowledge than just lock him up. And hooray! Mickey's back! Ooh, and look, a Pyramids of Mars reference (the sarcophagus next to the TARDIS)! There are lots of lovely little moments like this, which makes the big moments like the Cybermen's invasion more effective, as the goodwill that's already been engendered carries right on through. And the big reveal at the end, as it turns out to be not Cybermen but Daleks inside the Void Ship, is a really good one. So far, "Army of Ghosts" has done just about everything right. The question, however, is whether they can deliver in the next episode, as they have to deal with both Cybermen and Daleks...

January 22: "Fear Her"

The TARDISode shows us a programme called Crime Crackers, investigating missing children in a London close (what Americans would call a cul-de-sac). Although frankly this looks more like a silly parody than anything of serious intent, which doesn't bode well for the main event...

"Fear Her", for some reason, has become the pariah of 21st-century Who -- the most recent Doctor Who Magazine poll listed it at 240 out of 241 -- just ahead of The Twin Dilemma. It's frankly hard to see why "Fear Her" evokes such vitriol, as the finished episode is barely worth remembering.

It's not perfect, but it's certainly not appalling -- unlike the aforementioned The Twin Dilemma, which really makes you work to find any nuggets of quality, there are quite a few lovely scenes in "Fear Her". The Doctor sticking his finger in the marmalade is quietly wonderful. The idea of the Isolus is interesting (even if, perversely, they've given such an intense family organism a name that looks a lot like "isolated"), and we finally unequivocally get the series 1 Rose back -- she's the most likeable she's been since "The Christmas Invasion", and her efforts to carry on where the Doctor left off (after he was snatched away by Chloe/the Isolus) are very well done. Plus, the off-hand mention of the Doctor being a dad is great (and was presumably a surprise to new viewers -- though it's been established, more or less, since "An Unearthly Child"), and the gag about how the TARDIS materializes the first time is cute (even if they'd already done that joke in Ghost Light). It's also clear that someone's put some thought into the fact that they're shooting a story set in July 2012 in January 2006, so we get dialogue about how the Isolus's ship is sucking the heat out of everywhere.

But there are still some major problems with "Fear Her". A couple of them are production-related (such as how Abisola Agbaje isn't quite up to the task of portraying the possessed Chloe Webber (although, notably, she seems a lot more comfortable when she's playing the Isolus-free version)), but primarily the issues are at the scripting level. Chloe's powers seem to be inconsistent (so when she draws people they're transported into her pictures, but when she draws something imaginary like the scribble creature it appears in real life (and incidentally, the Doctor's trick with the eraser is strange -- try erasing the tip of a pencil and see how far you get) -- and when she draws someone who was alive but is now dead, he appears to live in a halfway point between the two), and both endings (the nightmare dad one and the Doctor/torch one) are quite painful, albeit for different reasons. The dad one feels awfully saccharine and twee -- essentially the equivalent of just wishing bad things away -- and the torch one tries so hard to force you to cheer that the natural reaction is to gag instead.

However, the underlying concern with "Fear Her" isn't a matter of a bad plot or an inept production. No, what ultimately sinks it is a general smug sense of "aren't we clever?" From the opening TARDIS gag to the Doctor lighting the torch, there's a sense in which the episode is repeatedly yelling at the viewers, "Look! We're doing fun and interesting new things!" If they were actually doing fun and interesting new things, it might (might) have been okay, but although they occasionally do slip a moment through, there's not really anything worth engaging with in this story. It's a lot like a bore at a party telling everyone how interesting they are. And as with the bore, you might find some things here and there in "Fear Her" worthwhile if you stick around, but it might just be better if you walk away.